Pacific Cascades Area
AFS Intercultural Programs

AFS is the leading high school foreign exchange program, with opportunities to live and study in over 50 countries worldwide. 

TWELVE TIPS FOR WELCOMING YOUR CHILD HOME

1. Understand that “reverse” or re-entry culture shock is a real possibility and learn to recognize its symptoms so that you can offer appropriate support to your child.

2. Realize that returning home is often not a predictable process and can be more stressful than you or your child anticipate.

3. Understand that most AFSers are, in some ways, different than they were before they left home. They may initially seem to be "strangers." It is hard to know what their experiences have meant to them and how they have changed. It may be necessary to "renegotiate" your relationship with your son or daughter but your history together will provide a basis for this process.

4. Be aware of your own expectations of your child. You may wish that he or she would just 'fit back in' but it is more helpful if you avoid forcing the returnee into old roles and relationships. It allows them space and time to readjust and connect.

5. Be conscious of all those things that have changed at home. Help returnees to understand what has taken place both in the society and among friends and family. Even if they have heard about these events, the impact at home may not have been obvious. You have much to tell them and they can tell you how events at home looked from abroad.

6. Avoid criticism, sarcasm, or mockery for seemingly odd patterns of behavior, speech or new attitudes.

7. Create opportunities for returnees to express their opinions, tell their stories, and show their pictures. Listen carefully and try to understand the significance of their overseas experiences. Seek to know what is important to them.

8. Acknowledge that all AFSers experience some sense of loss. Strange as it may seem to others, returnees often grieve for what they have left behind. They may be missing overseas friends, host family members, a stimulating environment, the feeling of being special, experiencing greater freedom or responsibilities, or special privileges.

9. Encourage your child to maintain personal contacts with friends, host family members and institutions in the former host country. She or he will regret it if s/he does not.

10. Offer to mark and celebrate the reentry for the returnees and those who stayed at home. Discuss their preferences for how and when to do so.

11. Expect some critical comparisons of culture and lifestyle. Keep your responses neutral. It can increase your chances to learn something important about the returnee and how their world view has changed. Don't take their comments personally.

12. Make contact with people who have successfully gone through the experience of returning home and refer your child to them - it may help both of you through a difficult period of readaptation.

© 2001Adapted by Bruce La Brack and Margaret D. Pusch from a work created by Dr. Peter Stadler, Solothurn, Switzerland for distribution at the SIETAR Congress, Munich, Germany, 1996.
For an explanation of the stage of the re-entry process, please review the section in the AFS Guide for Families of AFS Participants entitled “More on Coming Home – Your Child’s Re-entry to the U.S.” Please also encourage your child to log on to Culture Trek, at www.afsculturetrek.org and revisit Path Seven, Now in Reverse:

Re-entry! Here he or she can read the thoughts and feelings of AFS returnees who have already undergone re-entry, learn strategies for coping with re-entry and be connected to resources and people who can help keep them connected to AFS.

Last revision October 22, 2006