Coming Home

Editor's note: We rarely discuss the transitions of coming home. The piece below is an essay by a recent returnee. For additional information, parents of returnees are encouraged to read The Art of Coming Home by Craig Sorti, or similar books or articles.

Ahhh…that glorious first bite into a long-awaited taco supreme with extra sour cream and guacamole…the elation caused by the realization that one may take a shower longer than seven minutes and not run out of hot water…the absolute bliss of hearing and seeing one’s native language after months of deprivation. These are just a few of the wonderful little rediscoveries that are made in the first couple hours after returning to the United States. For many exchange students, this is a very long-awaited reunion with everything they have missed for the past five months to a year. However, what happens after that first flurry of re-entry excitement? Is that it? The student immediately adapts to their native culture and language, finds that their old friends are just the same, picks up life just where they left off and lives happily ever after? Unfortunately, that’s not quite the way things work. Returning home is a process that takes months, and sometimes years, of adjustment.

In the first phase of the process, life is almost perfect. This phase is brief, however, lasting only one or two weeks. Coming home is just like one has been imagining and planning for weeks. Everyone is happy to see the traveler and a minor sensation is caused at every appearance. Generally, people are very interested in the experiences and pictures of the student and much time is spent traveling and visiting friends and family members. Contact with others is usually so transient that the novelty remains and changes are not noticed. This is also that marvelous time of doing all of the things that one has missed doing: eating strawberries, reading English books, driving everywhere, or that never-ending fascination of watching a bright mirage of clothes whirl around in the (gasp!) automatic dryer. Life is on hold at this time until the bearer chooses to take it up again. It is very much like a vacation and no real responsibilities or decisions have to be faced. In this way, one does not have to confront many of the realities of home and the changes that will eventually be discovered. The realization that everything cannot live up to the sunny expectations lingers at the edge of the mind, but the returning student will keep this at a safe distance until they are ready to deal with it.

Now it is time for the real shock of being back to set in. By this time the novelty of home has worn off and one begins to notice all of the changes that have taken place. The student also begins to see the many ways that they have changed by living in another culture. There is a feeling of living on the margins of life, of not really belonging anywhere. Culturally, the returnee has been torn in half. Another syndrome of this "reverse culture shock" is the sense of being overwhelmed.

Everyday things that used to come so easily are now a huge chore. Adding to this feeling is the fact that people no longer expect one to be out of place. It becomes difficult to put the experience overseas, as well as the way things are at home, into perspective. The first tends to be over-romanticized while the latter is unduly criticized. One struggles to find balance and find closure to their experience. Also accompanying this stage is a feeling of doubt. Everything must be questioned, from the motives of going abroad in the first place to the reactions of the changes found at home. A sense of direction seems to be missing and motivation is difficult to find. One wonders when this stage will ever end (and one is still wondering).

Meanwhile, the outside world begins to feel more familiar. Routines are once again established, bringing predictability back into life. The most notable change in the last stage of reentry is said to be objectivity. One can stop focusing on the life they left behind and begin to concentrate on the life they have returned to. The experience is seen for what it really was, the returnee learns to incorporate their new perspectives into daily life without seeming strange, and friends and family accept that the person that has returned to them is not the same that left. New bonds are formed based on the new standards and points of view. A sense of balance is reestablished and, although one never really stops missing their "second home," the student is not so ready to jump on the next plane headed overseas.

Most exchange students will agree that the entire process of reintegration into one’s old life is supposedly even worse than the adjustment to the foreign culture ever was. Many readily anticipate the differences that they will have to adapt to while living abroad, yet they don’t realize that coming home is also a time of transition that cannot be dealt with the instant they return.

At the very least, a returnee can expect reverse culture shock to last for about six months, moving through various stages and constantly changing. Even after the final "readjustment" stage, the reentry process is not completely ended. One will not "get over" their experience, instead the experience will be incorporated into their personality and character and all responses will be made from the new perspective. "My mind has to create things," Ronald Blythe wrote in Akenfield, "and when they are completed, go on to another venture. But some ventures refuse to be over. I never sleep one night without dreaming of Arabia."