ADVENTURES IN HOSTING

by the Oswald Family

"What?? You’re thinking about adding another teenager to your life? Or even gaining one when you haven’t had one of your own yet? Are you crazy?"

No, just open to new experiences. In fact, our family has tried it three times already. We’re not experts yet, but we do know something about the discoveries, pains, and triumphs of hosting an A.F.S. student.

Years ago when we first considered the idea, our three girls were unanimous: they already knew more than enough about having sisters; they wanted to try having a brother. We chose Yahm, a boy from Thailand. This act began what our family now calls the Meeting Stage of the A.F.S. experience. It included: worries (A whole year? Our cultures are so different! What if we can't stand him?); an exchange of letters and photographs (He doesn’t look so bad!); a surprise phone call from Thailand (Wow! He really can speak English!); and that huge moment of truth when we actually picked him up (A grin, a sly wave, and then a huge hug -- things are going to be okay!).

With all three of our A.F.S. students, the second stage -- the Phase of Discoveries -- began soon after we met them. There are so many things to discover when you gain an instant teenager: what his parents look like, what he wants to eat for snacks, what teenage life is like in his culture, whether he prefers to pet our dog or our cats, how long his morning showers take -- and who is going to end up teasing whom.

This is a wonderful period typified by looking at photo albums and talking late into the night. There are always particular questions to be answered: the rest of us like camping at Hosmer Lake where the dust is deep, the outhouses old, and no water is available -- but will he?

Life with an A.F.S. student, like life with anyone else, is not always free of difficult moments. Our second student (after the cry of "We still know enough about sisters!") was a Brazilian boy named Tiago. With our oldest daughter Jocelyn now living away from home, Tiago became a devoted older brother to Laura and Melissa. He quickly became good at playing the trap set we rented for him, and he generally fit quite well into the rhythm of our family, too. In Brazil, however, Tiago was used to having girlfriends and leaving at 11:00 p.m. for night-long parties at the disco. While he was part of our family, there were some arguments and occasionally hurt feelings over such things as curfews and parties. However, as Jean puts it, "He made us deal with some issues we hadn’t had to deal with before," but which we might have to deal with in the future. Besides, it is actually through conflict and its resolution that the strongest of relationships are formed: one A.F.S. student (not in Roseburg) has been quoted as saying, "I never really felt a part of the family until my host mom yelled at me."

The best thing about an A.F.S. experience is its triumphs. Our third student is Emilien, a boy from France. In the first six months he was with us, he accomplished an astonishing amount. Coming here as an only child in a quiet family of adults, he has learned to live with two (sometimes three) sisters, as well as five cats and a dog. Helping out with house work is nothing, now! Above all, he has overcome the frustration and fatigue of struggling for months with a foreign language. He came to us with far less English than our other students; yet now he talks with the best of them. We also experienced the triumphs of our previous students: Yahm became a forensics oratory champion and, by transcending his culture, learned to have a more informal "Western" relationship with females; Tiago became a fine skier (never having seen snow before) and learned that he could go beyond "dear girlfriends" to having girls as dear friends.

Finally, we have discovered the truth of the assertion that the A.F.S. experience does not end with the A.F.S. year. As Jean and Laura briefly visited Yahm and his family, and became part of a tiny Thai village in a way no ordinary tourist ever could. Then all of us spent a month in Brazil, becoming so much closer to Tiago’s exuberant family -- and trying out those discos! I’m also sure that, not too long from now, a trip to France will find us sharing champagne and brie with Emilien and his parents in their remodeled 18th century cottage.